by Harriet Small Okot
Allyship is rooted in the practice of acting, listening and yielding one’s privilege, rather than guilt or a sense of being a saviour. The essential thing to remember is that it’s a learning process.
You’ll learn:
• That the black community needs committed advocates, not performative support from brands and individuals
• It’s normal to make mistakes when striving to be an ally – embrace the process as a chance to grow and improve
• About the four dimensions of intentionality, preventability, fault and locality and how these can help in the drive to become an ally
In this Instagram age, a black square, a message of solidarity with the correct hashtag and a rainbow filtered selfie earns you the title of an ally.
Unlike others, I am less inclined to accord you the title on the basis of a photo that may have been screenshotted and neatly cropped for the metrics and optics. Anti-racism needs real allies to step forward and be the change that we want to see in the world.
When I think of an ally, two names come to mind. They are far removed from anybody that I know personally. I have watched the way they advocate for people who have been ‘othered’ or ‘less than’ for all their lives.
The first is Dr Richard Lapchick, who is often described as “the racial conscience of sport.” A man who in February 1978 was viciously attacked in his college office and left fighting for his life with the N-word carved on his stomach. To this day he remains committed and steadfast in the fight for equality.
The other is actress and executive producer Ellen Pompeo, who advocated for Grey’s Anatomy to break the stereotype and have its first visibly Muslim character.
In 2018, during a NET-A-PORTER Women in Television roundtable, her parting shot was: “This day has been incredible. There are a tonne of women in the room, but I don’t see enough colour, and I didn’t see enough colour when I walked into the room today. I had a meeting with a director of another project that I am doing. I said when I show up on set I would like to see the crew look like the world that I walk around in every day.” She went on to say: “As Caucasian people, it is our job.
The communications and public relations industry has many good people who have noble intentions or mean well, but this falls short. Active, vocal and tenacious advocates are required to create systemic change leading to the overdue equity that is needed.
Thinking about the future
Allyship is rooted in the practice of acting, learning, listening and yielding one’s privilege, rather than guilt or a sense of being a saviour. Depending on the situation or the cultural competence of the person who has chosen to be an ally, what one does will vary, but the essential thing to remember is that it is a learning process. Embrace mistakes as an opportunity to grow and evolve.
Yielding privilege entails using silent and loud power. Whether that is using networks, position, donations and platform to amplify a voice or publicly defend another, there will be the visible acts and secret moments to step forward.
Privilege is not a singular and will alter, as Professor and social commentator Roxanne Gay explained in a Marie Claire article On Making Black Lives Matter in 2016 after the murder of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile at the hands of the police.
“We need people to stand up and take on the problems borne of oppression as their own, without remove or distance. We need people to do this even if they cannot fully understand what it’s like to be oppressed for their race or ethnicity, gender, sexuality, ability, class, religion, or other marker of identity. We need people to use common sense to figure out how to participate in social justice.”
Rethink performance and preparedness
Take time to understand intent versus impact. There will be times when you get it wrong. You may have had good intentions, but the impact has been harmful.
For example, by explaining away an experience of discrimination faced by a marginalised person as something in their head, you are gaslighting. While to you, it may have seemed like a well-intended comment, it compounds the trauma and silences the aggrieved. As a person with privilege regardless of the form, you will always see, understand and experience the world through your own lens.
There are four dimensions to consider:
Intentionality: There has to be a conscious effort to do the work in a meaningful way, to educate oneself and step up.
Preventability: The individual can avoid hurting someone by asking for permission, educating themselves before coming into a conversation or situation which will demand empathy and knowledge.
Fault: The realisation that responsibility lies not with the person who has been discriminated against, so it is essential to avoid practices such as tone policing, gaslighting and inferring intention.
Locality: The relationship that the ally has with the person who is from a marginalised group or connection to the person who has perpetrated the act of discrimination.
Start with what you have at hand
Education and resources are now available in abundance and it doesn’t cost you anything to read an essay, watch a Ted Talk, or listen to a podcast.
Diversify the content that you consume and your social media feeds to include a range of voices, different ideologies and engage with peers who may not be in your traditional circles. For example, read publications like The Atlantic, watch TV shows such as I May Destroy You and listen to podcasts like Code Switch by NPR or A Gay and a Nongay.
Pace yourself because while it may be your day one, it’s my third decade dealing with racism and sexism. Your mind was never designed to consume the level of pain, trauma, guilt or other feelings that will be invoked.
Be ready for the hard moments and reckoning that you will have to do with yourself.
Questions to ask include:
• Would I do this if nobody was watching?
• Am I centring myself in this narrative?
• Is this a moment for me to watch rather than speak?
• Should I be making the victim of the discrimination responsible for my education?
• Am I ready to take on criticism with grace and dignity without tone policing or justifying my mistake?
• When I am in an uncomfortable situation, will I support the minority or side with the dominant group?
• What research and work can I do before showing up?
• What biases do I have?
• Are there areas where I can be more powerful behind the scenes?
• Would I continue if nobody thanked me?
Harriet Small Okot is a communications consultant and the founder of NO.84. She has 12 years’ experience in communications, journalism, and public affairs at companies such as Hackney Council, The UK Civil Aviation Authority, Transport for London, Sky, Merton Council, the European Union, NHS, and titles across Hearst Media. She is the winner of the IoIC Rising Star Award 2019, where she also sits on the FutureNet committee. In 2018 her ‘Be Epic’ campaign for Merton Council was shortlisted for an Employee Engagement award in the IC category. Harriet also curates the blog commsoveracoffee.com and is an ambassador for the Taylor Bennett Foundation.
Twitter: @HarrietSmallies
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/harrietsmall/
Instagram: @HarrietSmallies